My whole world came tumbling down on top of me today, I honestly began to think that I was getting to come to terms with Derick's death, but the boat race put a stop to that with one precious memory reducing me to tears, leaving me with that desperate heart ache once again.

Last year Del was with me during that Saturday and we were talking about rowing sailing and mucking about on the river, he wasn't a water sports person in fact as silly as it sounded he reduced me to fits of laughter he said "I still get sea sick when I look at a bloody rowing machine" not very funny but at the time we had been laughing and joking all that day. A day that was so special because of its normality, family and friends together enjoying our company.

I turned over this afternoon and forgot that the race was on just a few seconds of the river and the crews rowing and the commentary talking of rough waters expected, and I cracked apart. God I miss him so very much.

Lord help me to come to terms with my loss, and be grateful in the knowledge that You are now looking after my son for us all. Feeling in my grief (as today) your love for us all, allow me to bear my grief with dignity. Amen