What do you think?

Had Del over today to paint the garden fence Del smokes like a trooper, he rolls his own and always has one stuck in his gob. I came into touching distance several times, and realised how much a person who smokes smells of burning. I never realised this as I said before I have been smoking since I was 14-15. How am I holding up, well not too bad I get a yearning every so on when I am stuck for some thing to do. it’s the fact that for several years we haven’t smoked in the main part of the house its always been at the back door. That means I have got into the habit of going into the kitchen for a fag but no fags are there so I have bought some of them travel sweets that have glucose in them, they seem to help. So long as I don’t get addicted to them and get fatter and fatter.

I started smoking when I was 14 I joined the navy at 15 and by the time I was 17 I was getting my cigarettes and tobacco duty free no tax and they were quite ok what was called “Navy Blue Liners” or “Tins of Tickler “. I wonder if I could sue the navy for getting me addicted on cigarettes. The answer to that is probably no the MOD will have some disclaimer written into your service contract that prohibits you from making a claim. So that leave me just the option of giving up on my own, one again folks WISH ME LUCK, ta ta for now “T,T,F,N,”  

Well people today was the day I have now given up the dreaded weed. I have had a few cravings today but not too bad. I imagine that this is due to the patches, they seem to take the edge off for you so you are not constantly thinking of CIGGIES. So I can say without doubt I am an official ex smoker. How long will it last well tune in over the next few days. If you find me ranting and raving spouting more than my usual drivel then you will know that I have started to get withdrawal quite bad. WISH ME LUCK

Guess what folks after 37 years as a smoker today I have given up. I have told all of my family that our house is now a non smoking house. I just hope I can do it this time, I have got the patches and a plan has been produced for me to cover all of the day time and as the patches are 24 hr I hope to be able to sleep properly. I do so hope that this time I will succeed. So I apologise in advance if I am cross or ratty with any of you please bear with me for the first few weeks. Its so important to me as I have been working myself up for this day for several months now.

I’m sitting here watching the news on ITV I seem to be cushioned and away from the same news 130 plus dead in Baghdad, 32 Dead in America, bombings in London loss of life here murder there. Darfour thousands of people dying from huger due to civil war and famine . All I ever seem to be watching is programmes that are discussing ways to die and how many have succumbed. Its at times like this that I question my faith why would God allow such things to happen, but God hasn’t put the weapons in the hands of the killers. God doesn’t teach the bombers to make the bombs . Go has no political agenda for the acquisition of land or country’s. Its man whop is his own worse enemy, I just seem to anesthetised about the talk of death and carnage, that’s the fault of the communication age. Instant news no matter how shocking is being beamed into our homes, lives and minds. To much and we believe that it’s a natural part of our lives. Well its not unless we speak to our fellow man and in some way connect with either their pain or ideas and come to a compromise and a view that we are all entitled to live free and without fear of death the carnage will continue it insidious way into our homes several time a day.

I had to send a letter to my granddaughter today telling her why I wont go and visit them, I am so afraid that I will try to do him an injury. Knowing how unwell I have been over the past few months that would be tantamount to suicide as he would wipe the floor with me because he if a fit 22 year old. I am feeling so down as I miss my family but I wont give in. my daughter understands why i feel this way, but Mikala doesn’t, she seems to think I am being deliberately difficult. How can I make her see that I love her so much I would die rather than see her hurt again by this user.

Reading at this time of night is almost impossible, now that my legs are getting worse I seem to be getting a lot more restless. So what’s the answer well I’ve joined a talking book club on line at www.audible.co.uk. The basic listener entitled me to get one book free a month. I have now got quite a library on my computer, I purchased 17 hours of listening by way of the The Da Vinci Code it was originally priced up at £25 not bad for all that entertainment.

I have now started on bringing the garden up to speed for the summer, Sue manages to do all the bending and me the standing up bits, mowing the lawn, trimming back the bushes so long as they are at waist height. Even then I feel handicapped, its no fun being unwell. Things have got so bad now that I have to use the wheelchair indoors some days. The problem with that is that the house wasn’t built to house a six foot wheelchair user.

Funny thing tonight I am watching the film of one of my favourite books Tia Pan by James Clavell. So that’s all for today folks hope this blog finds you all well God Bless and take care.