Today at 17.30 I have to have another medical examination, at home for the benefit of the Veteran’s Agency. Most of you will know of the marathon battle Sue and I have had to get the Ministry of Defence (Veterans Agency) MOD to accept that my disabilities are such that they warranted and increase to at least 80%. Well as some of you know we succeeded (thank the Lord). One of the main reasons for this was that I am a sitting time bomb, with my disabilities and medical conditions I could cash in my chips at any time.

Well after that magic number we were entitled to challenge the system as to how much Sue does for me every day 24/7 365 days. And let me tell you all that when we sat down and put pen to paper it is a phenomenal amount of care I receive.

Any way back to the doctor he is a Dr Coles, I am not sure if I have seen him before or not. Later we will find out. Anyway the man has an hour or two for us to let him know what Sue does for me and how long that takes on a day to day basis. Not a problem as I said we have it down now in black and white. What really bugs me is that they have the temerity to send him out on a visit after recently increasing my pension. They already have volumes of paperwork on me and my medical problems. With a modicum of common sense someone could spend a bit of time reading it as all of the information they need is in there.

Still I must follow procedure and see what happens. Am I worried, well yes I am. I have undertaken so many interviews and medicals its been very tiresome, all I want is to see that Sue is ok and properly rewarded for all the things she does for me. If the care component of my needs was left to the state in my reckoning it would cost them at least £1000 a week just to provide the services.

Right that’s the end of my gripe for this morning I will now try to get some sleep. Some hope Go with GOD.  Norman

A few ramblings from me to my loved ones, I thought that you my friends need to share them as well. I know that I will get good advice from you all as I am a relative stranger, you don’t have to live with me look after me and put up with my tantrums and foibles. So be your usual blunt, loving, and caring selves with your replies. If you think I am mad than tell me on my home not so public email normancarter@ukonline.co.uk. Ever since I’ve had this page I have been privy to some great advice and in return I have been able to offer my own to the melting pot of the humanity of Man (or should I have said Person).

I digress so read on

Some of the time I have to put in writing what is going on inside of my head.

This is one of those occasions as I believe that not all of you grasp the reason for me wanting an amputation. I am surely aware that this is a drastic step to take but how much more of the pain and loneliness can one man take

The most compelling reason is that I am unable to stand the pain and discomfort any more and I want a chance for me to save the left leg, at the moment that is not so bad but the signs are there, all of the same feelings I felt when I had the first set of clots in my right calf . It goes without saying that I know if I leave it much longer both of my legs will be useless. And I have no intentions of allowing that to happen as the pain is to much now.

Today I spoke to Dr Phiroz who is also against my choice as well as her partner Dr Kahn, they are right to express their concerns but again I say they are not the ones who will have to put up with the pain.

At the moment I am only just holding on to my sanity, so many people with so many opinions and yet the one I need is the one that leads me to a more comfortable life.

I know I must sound as though I’m a winger but I try so hard to stay positive. The only thing in staying positive is that you never let your guard down so people have no idea as to how you really are.

I often say that I am coping but I have over the past few weeks tried to accept the truth. Time is my enemy at the moment if I don’t have the op as soon as possible my left leg will start to go the same way. Then all I am left with is staring at the wheel chair, the nemesis of my life. I use it when I have to and I try so hard to be accommodating when we go out and the wheel chair is mentioned, the last thing I need is to be tied to that for the rest of my days.
Loves Ya
Norman.XXXXXXXXX

Leonard Cohen Words they differ from Jeff Buckley

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah