Let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.

Prayer:

Father, I am tired of the furious pace of the world. Sometimes I just want to run and hide. Allow me to run to You. Be the source of my peace, Lord. Amen.

I remember seeing a healthy and diseased heart side by side in on the TV. The healthy heart looked strong and fit. The diseased heart was a sickly colour, and looked bloated and spongy. That image sticks in my mind. The diseased heart symbolizes for me the sin-sick heart, discoloured by evil emotions and intentions, bloated by selfishness, and spongy through lack of love giving and compassion. The only solution for a sin-sick heart is a transplant by the Giver of all new life. God can take a diseased heart and make it new, fresh, and alive. Pray for God to remove the disease of sin, and He will heal you.

Prayer: Lord, I want to be made new and alive. Remove the dead tissue caused by sin and replace it with tissue that is strong and healthy. Create in me a new heart, and renew my spirit within me. Amen.

The Lord God is the Lord of compromise

No Muslim or Christian should be our enemy. We are all members of the same body, and the Lord God blesses those who strive to live in peace and harmony with one another.

My dad used to say that “there is nothing more tragic than watching the news on the television“. When I got to the age of fifty I began to really understand what he meant. We go through life and the younger we are the less we take from the news on TV or even the papers. Another one of his sayings was “don’t buy the times until you retire because you won’t have the time to really take it in“.

Both of those pearls of wisdom came upon me today, I watched the news tonight and saw the piece on poor baby Peter, how I hope that he is in the arms of our Lord now and that he truly knows that what love is now “suffer unto me little children”.

But what left me fuming were the words of the Judge and the words that he used when sentencing those animals. Are the judiciary so truly out of touch with humanity and the grass roots of the good minded people who live in the UK? What on earth posses a man with the power to deliver a much higher verdict choose the lenient way he sentenced them all today. They as good as murdered that poor defenceless child. They deserve to be euthanatized for one tenth of the things that they made him suffer. I know where there is good there is most certainly evil so on the Day of Judgment let them fear the wrath of God.

Now with hindsight I can say without fear of contradiction my dad was right. The news tonight has left me with a bad taste in my mouth and a crying pain for the innocence of that child in my heart.

Prayer:

Pick me up, Lord, and hold me in Your loving arms. Protect me from the pressures of the day, and remove the heaviness from my heart. Inspire me with the knowledge that You and I together can handle anything. Amen.

God wants us to need Him. He made us to need help, not to try to do everything on our own. When times get tough, God wants us to open our hearts to Him, that He might be made real to us. Call upon God from your brokenness, and He will be faithful to answer.

Prayer:

When all else fails, I turn to You, Lord . I should not wait until situations get bad, but I do. Be with me to help me in the hardest of times, and stay with me in all times, that I might know You better. Amen.

Today I have spent quite a bit of time listening to my talking books and pondering on where I will be in ten years. Are you like me? Do you worry about the time you have left, do you worry about what people will do when you are not here, well I have been doing that quite a bit lately. What in Gods name am I doing I spend days worrying about the quality of my life than I do planning or just enjoying time.

We all from time to time stop and try to make sense of this earthly domain. Me I am about to give that up. Who cares what you are going to leave as your legacy, not me and that's for sure, I will have passed on to another existence. So why do I worry about it. DUUUR.

So a very late new years resolution, I Norman (fat boy) Carter will do my very best to stop worrying about the things that I can do nothing about, and will concentrate on the things that I can influence.

How long do we think this new found freedom will last, keep you eyes on my blogs both here and Christian Chat

God Bless you for reading this and I will keep you all informed via my blog or on the Christian Chat Site.

Loves Ya all.

Norman

My dear God I got the gas bill in today and would you believe it, it was almost £300. I hade to call them to complain, only to get told “we have put the prices up by %50 this last year. Then some waffle about oil and gas costs. She said we will be putting it down by %10 soon. How in Gods name do they think I am going to keep myself warm I now know the meaning of "HEAT OR EAT". You see though I am a War Pensioner I do not get the fuel allowances as I am to young.

Pension up % 3.5 I think and that plus any savings for the next three months down the pan I have nothing but praise for the elderly generation and so do understand their complaints about fuel bills, I dont like the idea that they will have to face   the same choices that I do. The one I have just received will just have to wait.

GBY

Norman

I wonder if like me you sometimes read something and say in your mind

I WISH I HAD THE COURAGE AND WIT TO SAY THAT.

Muserat Sujawal who is the co-chair of Leeds Coalition Against the War said to the “Socialist Worker”

“The first time I heard the word Muslim and terrorist next to each other I was offended. But now if I hear the word Muslim without terrorist I assume the sentence isn’t finished.” Bloody well done Muserat, don’t you just love that.

Today at 17.30 I have to have another medical examination, at home for the benefit of the Veteran’s Agency. Most of you will know of the marathon battle Sue and I have had to get the Ministry of Defence (Veterans Agency) MOD to accept that my disabilities are such that they warranted and increase to at least 80%. Well as some of you know we succeeded (thank the Lord). One of the main reasons for this was that I am a sitting time bomb, with my disabilities and medical conditions I could cash in my chips at any time.

Well after that magic number we were entitled to challenge the system as to how much Sue does for me every day 24/7 365 days. And let me tell you all that when we sat down and put pen to paper it is a phenomenal amount of care I receive.

Any way back to the doctor he is a Dr Coles, I am not sure if I have seen him before or not. Later we will find out. Anyway the man has an hour or two for us to let him know what Sue does for me and how long that takes on a day to day basis. Not a problem as I said we have it down now in black and white. What really bugs me is that they have the temerity to send him out on a visit after recently increasing my pension. They already have volumes of paperwork on me and my medical problems. With a modicum of common sense someone could spend a bit of time reading it as all of the information they need is in there.

Still I must follow procedure and see what happens. Am I worried, well yes I am. I have undertaken so many interviews and medicals its been very tiresome, all I want is to see that Sue is ok and properly rewarded for all the things she does for me. If the care component of my needs was left to the state in my reckoning it would cost them at least £1000 a week just to provide the services.

Right that’s the end of my gripe for this morning I will now try to get some sleep. Some hope Go with GOD.  Norman

A few ramblings from me to my loved ones, I thought that you my friends need to share them as well. I know that I will get good advice from you all as I am a relative stranger, you don’t have to live with me look after me and put up with my tantrums and foibles. So be your usual blunt, loving, and caring selves with your replies. If you think I am mad than tell me on my home not so public email normancarter@ukonline.co.uk. Ever since I’ve had this page I have been privy to some great advice and in return I have been able to offer my own to the melting pot of the humanity of Man (or should I have said Person).

I digress so read on

Some of the time I have to put in writing what is going on inside of my head.

This is one of those occasions as I believe that not all of you grasp the reason for me wanting an amputation. I am surely aware that this is a drastic step to take but how much more of the pain and loneliness can one man take

The most compelling reason is that I am unable to stand the pain and discomfort any more and I want a chance for me to save the left leg, at the moment that is not so bad but the signs are there, all of the same feelings I felt when I had the first set of clots in my right calf . It goes without saying that I know if I leave it much longer both of my legs will be useless. And I have no intentions of allowing that to happen as the pain is to much now.

Today I spoke to Dr Phiroz who is also against my choice as well as her partner Dr Kahn, they are right to express their concerns but again I say they are not the ones who will have to put up with the pain.

At the moment I am only just holding on to my sanity, so many people with so many opinions and yet the one I need is the one that leads me to a more comfortable life.

I know I must sound as though I’m a winger but I try so hard to stay positive. The only thing in staying positive is that you never let your guard down so people have no idea as to how you really are.

I often say that I am coping but I have over the past few weeks tried to accept the truth. Time is my enemy at the moment if I don’t have the op as soon as possible my left leg will start to go the same way. Then all I am left with is staring at the wheel chair, the nemesis of my life. I use it when I have to and I try so hard to be accommodating when we go out and the wheel chair is mentioned, the last thing I need is to be tied to that for the rest of my days.
Loves Ya
Norman.XXXXXXXXX

Leonard Cohen Words they differ from Jeff Buckley

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I have been having a very torrid time recently, all to do with my health. As you will all know I love Susan to bits, but she has this spooky knack of predicting trouble and especially trouble that concerns me.
Well over the weekend we decided that we would try and get the garden into shape, Sue normally does the work and I spend my time doing the little things that she allows me to do. Well when Sue was in the front sweeping the drive and weeding around the garage and paths I thought it would be a jolly wheeze to take the brown bin for the garden waste along the passage between the garage and the house so that when we mowed the back lawns it would be there for us. Well folks you guessed it I managed to drop the bloody thing onto my shin, the right one, the bad one, the one that the doctors have been warning me about, the one that’s now very inflamed and has the beginning of ulcers and is an oozing open wound.
"S H One T" don't you just hate it when they are always right. To follow that up I came indoors and after Nurse Susan had cleaned and dressed the wound I decided to bend over in the front room and pick up the times from the floor to read it, yep, your right again out flat as the Americans would say "right on my fanny". I now have black bruising over my back and across my right arm. I am in so much pain when I move, sit, stand, and walk you will not believe how smug Susan looks whan I moan out in pain, you blokes will know, that look she can give you that lets you know how really "P",ed she is.
I am now in the dog house and doing punishments all week, sit there, stand there, stop doing that, time for bath, time for bed, next time you will listen to me, its for your own good.
I am not sure what is “P”ing me off more the pain I am in or the ministrations of Nurse (I am always right) Susan.
Don’t get me wrong I loves her to a million bits and if asked I would fall on my sword for her any time. I just want to have a normal day or two doing the normal chores all of you husbands out there do. There is nothing more humiliating than watching your wife cleaning your new car, with all the neighbours watching thinking “look at that lazy sod”.

My son Del died a year ago on the 5th of June, today I have had to come to terms with his death. It has been so very hard for me and Susan, yet she seems to handle it better. We kept ourselves busy today , well Sue was busy and I as my health dictates was supervising.

I kept it together until I was sitting on the bench looking at the fence that needs painting (or should I say weather proofing). This is exactly the type of job Del would have done for me. Last year just before he died we had the chat about coming up to us on Sundays, we would have cooked lunch and he would have painted the fence, furniture and two rooms inside. But then he was gone, its made really worse with the Euro 2008 football. i have a smashing Electric Powered Vehicle  (EPV) One of the reasons I was allowed it was because it would have given me the independence to go down to him on my own. Now all I use it for is the shopping and trips to the village.

I don’t know how often we have been told that things will get better with time. That is simply not the case. I feel worse tonight because I know what I am missing. Its not until you lose a loved one like that, especially a child of yours, that you begin to understand the real meaning of that magnificent word FAMILY.

I pray and know that you are in the hands of God my Son as precious as you were for us we know that God will help you to understand the extent of our loss, I miss you more now than I did before, may God keep you safe until we meet again.

Amen.

My whole world came tumbling down on top of me today, I honestly began to think that I was getting to come to terms with Derick's death, but the boat race put a stop to that with one precious memory reducing me to tears, leaving me with that desperate heart ache once again.

Last year Del was with me during that Saturday and we were talking about rowing sailing and mucking about on the river, he wasn't a water sports person in fact as silly as it sounded he reduced me to fits of laughter he said "I still get sea sick when I look at a bloody rowing machine" not very funny but at the time we had been laughing and joking all that day. A day that was so special because of its normality, family and friends together enjoying our company.

I turned over this afternoon and forgot that the race was on just a few seconds of the river and the crews rowing and the commentary talking of rough waters expected, and I cracked apart. God I miss him so very much.

Lord help me to come to terms with my loss, and be grateful in the knowledge that You are now looking after my son for us all. Feeling in my grief (as today) your love for us all, allow me to bear my grief with dignity. Amen

I spent today reading a prayer book given to me by a very dear friend his name was Noel Beattie when I was the Mayor he was my chaplain, we had a very nice time and I remember one day in particular. I had spent the first part of 1997 up to may being the first mayor unelected at the birth of the new unitary authority Medway Council. We then had the Mayor Making and I was the first Mayor. it was a very busy time and I had had a very heavy workload in local politics for the past two years. I decided that I would play hooky, I took a whole week away from the Civic Centre and spent it all in my garden. I had always wanted to plant pots, hanging baskets, barrels and stone planters. on the Saturday Noel called to see me. he was aware that I had been working far to hard and it was taking its toll on my health, I just wasn't able to do all I wanted the mind was willing but my body had for some time been weak, even then I tried to forget my weaknesses.

Anyway Noel came round about 11 and the weather was spectacular nice and warm, not too hot balmy sunshine and the rest I had during the week had put me into a fantastic frame of mind. All was well with the world and god was very kind to us two men. we spent the day planting telling stories drinking tea and just loving each others company we even had time for some prayers of thanks. Sue said I hadn't been like that for years and she was so surprised. as an aside later that year the plants and the garden had been absolutely fantastic.

Well today I had reason to remember that day, and in remembering it I felt the warmth and love of the time, this allowed me to feel better about me. What on earth is he driveling on about; you may well ask! I recently had another medical scare that has in its own way pout the fear of God into me. I have recently been looking for a way to communicate the feelings to Him so that he knows that I am hurting. Pretty stupid questioning Him like that, He already knows and today gave me that memory to ponder on and in Gods own way begin to heal the mind. Thank you Lord for allowing me to see the good things and bad can exist together both in my mind helping me to understand and heal.

It always seems that after Christmas the coming of the New Year brings with it some sort of damp squib. this year it seems to me as though it has hit us worse. I can only put this down to the very sad loss of a former Brother In Law of mine Ian. unfortunately he died on December the 14th I only found out when Sue read the obituaries in the local paper.. Time has passed us by the break up of his marriage to my sister, me moving away, work commitments there always seems to be some excuse. but let me tell you this his death hit me really bad. some of you who know me will know what I went through when I was 20, a very traumatic time in my life and he was there for me. I never really got the chance to tell him what that meant for me. he prevented me spiraling into misery and dependant on the bottom of a bottle. there was three of us Ian, Keith and me, both were married to my sisters and when I came home on leave we spent plenty of time together. I look back now Keith died a few years ago due to alcoholism, and Ian on my birthday December 14th that dreadful dieses cancer was instrumental in taking his life. You could never have met a more "gentle man" in every sense. I owed him a lot and will always remember him most fondly in my prayers. I seem to be hearing a lot of that lately the death of many of my friends. God I know you challenge us daily and that you call your servants unto you as you will. but please lord allow me the wisdom to understand your greater plan.

Norman

Today or I should say yesterday was Christmas Day we knew that it was going to be a hard day as it was the first we spent without Derick, his spirit seemed to be with me for most of the time I was over Shelly's. Shelly and Richard did their very best to try and get us to fit in and to some extent take away some of the hurt. in some small way the succeeded because we had a very pleasant day, their were times when we felt it hard to stay cheerful but those times were made so much easier with the children. Roxanne, Marcus and Mikala had a wonderful day as they spent the morning along the road with Mark. they opened tier presents from him first. Mikala then brought them home to have another opening session with us.

no matter what anyone could say to us we still felt our loss greatly, so in closing God Bless you my Son and we are thinking of you at this time and you most certainly are in our prayers and thoughts. Lots of love from Mum and Dad. Amen

I sit here tonight or should I say the early hours of the morning wondering why I cant sleep. The answer will be simple, those of you who know me know that I have to endure a deal of pain. This morning is no exception other than the fact I haven’t been able to get to bed yet. Each time I stand I get that sharp and piercing pain in my feet. And if I forget and try to get out of my chair without holding tight or using the riser I get that bloody awful; pain in my guts. I was praying just a few moments ago for one simple thig, a day without pain. Perhaps I have offended God in some way knowing me that’s probably true but should he allow this nightmare of constant pain to continue. Heavenly father allow me to accept the pain that I deserve, and I pray that in your mercy one day you will take away the pain of my sins and the physical pains of the flesh. Amen.

Pain comes in many forms and can attack us all in different ways. the pain of losing a Job the pain of not being able to do what we want. and the pain that is physical. I have over the past few weeks been feeling the physical pain so much that I have forgotten the pains of my soul and my faith.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me enough to provide discipline in my life. Help me to see which pain means to stop, and which pain is necessary for my health. I want to be stronger in all areas of my life so that I can serve You more fully. In Jesus' Name, Amen.